we'll dine on city lights

I have too many things I want to write in here, since it's been ages !! But first off, let's plan our wedding day.



Yes, I am that random. Sometimes.



Okay so everyone must have their own dream day wedding. If not, you are one very pathetic human being with extreme lack of imagination.



I don't care how weird it is, how out-of -this-world (outer space ceremony, anyone?) or how tacky it is, I appreciate your ideas. There's no rules on this. No budget limits. No place too far. I salute you for daring to dream big. Well this is very Dr Phil, so let's just cut to the chase.



Let's start with me. I want a double wedding.



First is a private, intimate wedding in a remote island (Or Greece. Italy. A secluded island. I will just keep it to myself, you nosy rat.) Anyway. I will fly my family and closest friends into the island, all accomodations paid for (thats right, you'd better start sucking up to me from now to get a ticket.) It will just be a plain and simple ceremony and still traditional and everything. It will only last a day and then we'll fly back to Jakarta.

To ensure that all my friends and relatives will come, I'll just do the second on in this big ol' city. This is gonna be a huge one (not with gold decoration or anything Liberace, dont worry) but I want traditional dances and musical performance to be there. That's what I mean with huge and grand. I want it to be a festivity. Doesn't have to be in the city's top high-rise building (I've gotten incredibly poor due to that first wedding ceremony, remember?) but I want everyone to enjoy it, to be pleased, to have a good time. I love playing host. And I think it's not asking too much that I want all my beloved guests to have the time of their life in my most important event of all to host =)

All the foods will be cooked by my mom or her helpers. Authentic Indonesian cuisines, of course, but with International desserts bar. Of course. And I know I won't have the first-dance tradition, but I want the singer to croon Van Morisson's Someone Like You all night long. You'll see why.

So here's a glimpse into my future:

By 27/28, I will have achieved eighty percent of what I've always dreamed of. I will be in New York, working in a top restaurant whilst taking culinary lessons. It is my second year in the city and I plan to go back to my home town for the first time ever, and for good, but not before my little trip with him. We plan to steal a quick holiday to....Hong Kong ? Singapore ? (It could even be Bandung, I don't care. just not in Jakarta yet. Let's just call it nameless.) He will visit me in NY first and we'll get to watch a cool concert first (The Strokes? Julian? Joshua Radin?) and then we'll fly home together.

In that nameless city, he will take me out for a casual dinner one night. We will chat about our lives, about what's been going on since I left, about how much I miss him and everything.

And then, out of the blue, he will propose.

I like the feeling of being so surprised and so in pleasure that I will have no words to describe. When I look at the ring, I'll smile. Not because it's embedded with gold and diamond, but because I once mentioned it to him that I like the type. It's simple, it's round, it's a ring. That;s it. But being a good guy, he always, always remembers what I like even though I said it a million light years ago.

Which is why I'll say yes.

And during his proposal, somehow, somewhere, we listen to Van Morrison's Someone Like You playing beautifully be it in the stereo or onstage. I don't quite know my obsession with that song, but I like the classical melody, the words fit, the voice soothing--it's a classic old song. And I will finally have that song dedicated to me, after all these years. Just by looking at him I'll know that he means it and we're going to do this and I'm the happiest girl alive and we're going to do this, this magical once-in-a-lifetime ceremony that every girl has been waiting for since the first time she laid her eyes on a wedding gown.

And then, afterwards, we'll have our own children, a set of boy-and-girl twins,with the cutest huge eyes and happy grins. I will take good care of them, I will love them like nobody else, I'll watch them grow, I'll stay at home while he works, but every weekend we'll have the family time to ourselves. When the children have grown up, I'll start working again and might even open a restaurant on my own, since I learned so much about it in NY. Friday will be my date time with him, our relaxing time to hang out with friends, catch dinner and movies, while Saturday and Sunday are officially declared as family time with the kids.




Okayyyy, time to snap back to reality.

In reality, I am stuck in my office, with a bad stomach-ache and therefore having trouble concentrating on work and writing this instead. In reality, I'm saving every penny, seeking for every opportunity for any possible chance that I might have a ticket out of here. Literally.

If you know me well, please come up to me in my wedding day and tell me to look up this blog. Whether any of my goals and dreams came true. Whether I'll get on that plane after all.

And be good. Who knows, maybe someday you'll receive an invitation to Maui for a private wedding on your doorstep one day. Or Greece. Or Carribean.

and it rambles on while she covers her ears

Why do you choose the big bad wolf amongst a hundred pristine white sheeps?

Why do you feel guiltier killing a hopeless mice trapped with no power to do anything instead of killing a Labrador that bit your leg?

Why do you fall over and over to the same hole again even though a huge Caution board is right there near your feet?

Why do you hang your hopes up in the oak tree when you know it's gonna shake and rumble to the ground?

Why do you spell out your expectations in the night skies when you know it's just gonna be morning again in a few hours?

Why do you limit other people's dreams and hopes when you know it might as well be the cruelest thing for a human being to do?

Why do you smile while your insides freeze?

Why do you go out of your way to please the wrong people while the right ones quietly slip out the exit door?

Why do you need so much signs to tell you something you've secretly known throughout your whole life?

Why do you hesitate in doing something when you know it's gonna cause you an incredible state of regret in the end?

Why do you not hear me when I silently shout out to you?

Why do you refuse to admit that reading this post has caused your heart to flinch because you know some of it it happened to you?

i know i'm in the mood to write

So it's no surprise that I moonlight as a shrink to my friends, right. They consider me as a 24-hour listener and advisor with a million ears to lend.

Which is fine by me; I enjoy that.

I suddenly remember a certain case where one of my close friends sat me down to talk about a particular topic. She has this...I don't know what you call it; an endless fling? They went out once but broke up but still maintain good friends now. Like, really good friends. I know them both well since we all hang out together but the guy's older than us.


My friend told me how she recently had a serious talk with the guy about the future and they ended up making a promise: if by the time she turns 30 they aren't seeing anyone, they'll get married. Kinda like Chandler and Monica in an old episode Friends, where he said "If you won't be married by 30, what do you say we live together?" and she responded, "Why wouldn't I be married by the time I'm 30?"
And Chandler replied "No...I meant hypothetically...", to which she said, "Okay, well, hypothetically, why wouldn't I be married by the time I'm 30?"

Or something like that. It always made me laugh.

Well anyways.

This friend of mine was kind of ecstatic about her and her guy's decision--because I could tell they still feel something so strongly about each other. But I did not fully share her excitement.

What do you think?

When a guy proposes that to you, should you feel flattered or offended? In a way, yes,you feel relieved. The guy you really care about has no plan to abandon you, not even in the future. No matter what happens, you will never be living a lonely life surrounded by forty cats. No mattr how hard you screw up,someone's gonna be there to take care of you. That must be a very nice feeling indeed.

But in a way, Monica was right. Why wouldn't you be married by the time you're 30? Are you so undesirable that you repel man from marrying you?

And more importantly, there's another factor to consider: what if you found someone better than that guy and you end up marrying him? Even worse, what if HE found someone and break that promise to you?

In that case, start visiting the pet stores to look for cats.

I think this is an interesting matter, no? You, who are reading this, whoever you are, have you ever been in this situation?

You don't have to post a comment- I probably don't even know you. Maybe you're just stumbling into this blog by accident.

But I really wanna know. I ended up not giving advises to that friend of mine; thankfully, she wasn't expecting any. She just needed to unload.

It's funny how much we expect from the opposite sex but at the same time we don't expect anything from them either, huh?

Looking to be lost?

This life is a freakin chain. Its all about the six degrees of sombody
or other. Don't believe me? Well here goes.
A is completely happy with B, who sometimes still thinks of C, who's
currently in a blissful state with D, who still wishes to taste what's
its like to be in relationship with E,who still thinks about his ex F,
who still dreams about HER ex G, who's married to H and still sneaking
lunches with I.

Seriously, from A to G, it really is a true story; kind of.
I've been everyones ears long enough to detect a major soap opera
going on in their life. But it is. Its a chain.

And the worst thing is, we don't know when or where its gonna stop. I
just hope it won't reach Z.

So I want you to remember this: everytime you fall flat on your face
with no hope and passion whatsoever,remember that there's always
someone who will rush to your side to soothe you, to stroke your back,
to calm you down, to tell you its okay and that you'll get the love of
your life but inside screaming hey I WANT to be that person, to smile
and nod and wipe your tears while gritting their teeth- whether you
realize it or not.

Which,most of the times, you don't.

But the lowest kind of the low is if you try to take advantage to that
person. It actually hurts B everytime C declares her love for D. And
it goes on and on and on.

Life's a freaking mess of chain.

--
Sent from my mobile device

Let's try this

Let's see what happens when I blog from my phone.
I hope I'll be able to see this :s

So. Not that anyone still reads this blog, but how's everyone doing?
I'm curled under the blanket in my cold room alone, enjoying the
perfection of it all.

I miss my own boyfriend. I don't know why I never wrote much about
him, btw. I doubt he'll read this,but still.

You know what happens when you try to blog sleepily from your phone
and just feel like letting it out? Random stuff happens. Random
thoughts flow as my fingers typed freely on the keypads.

I hate changes. In a way, I do.

Hey before I ramble on and on and will kick my self due to failed
mobile blogging attempt, let me check if this appears in the blog for
real. See you in a teeny bit.

--
Sent from my mobile device

a smile and a wave

I'm back!

I'm sorry i've been so ignorant to you, blog. I just got accepted back at B-M last week so things have just kinda flown in a flurry.

I hope everyone's doing fine.

Anyways. Quick recap; nothing much has changed. I still want a ticket out of here. I still want my NY and SF. I wanna turn 25 and be able to say "I've done it all", you know? I wanna tell my kids one day how their mom just conquered all her fears and pakced up to see what the world had to offer. [cue music: Celine Dion.]

I gotta go eat in a minute, but please bear in mind that I've made my comeback and therefore you should not forget to visit this owl-y blog. The weather's been kinda crazy, by the way. And my dog looks so clean.

Enough random thoughts.

See ya! Promise I'll be back so o o o n.

your own definition of perfection

Everyone has their dream man/woman. The capabilities, physical attributes, and so forth.
Well, it's almost midnight and I'm completely awake with nothing to do, so here's mine.

I like tall guys. Not lanky, and not exactly Homer's twin either. Which leads me to another category-I like guys who are good at sports. Doesn't matter what, but soccer is preferred. I like guys who know how to dress appropriately and can match themselves to what I'm wearing ( no, not color-wise, don't worry. What I mean is, if I wear my best skirt or something I wouldn't want him to appear on my doorstep in cargo shorts.)

I like it if he wears checkered flannel shirts. And a T-shirt underneath. Dunno why :) And battered jeans with sneakers. I hate baggy clothing on him. He has to smell good, but no tacky cologne. He has to smell like he's just taken a shower. And he has to be clean. If he doesn't smoke, good. If he does, great. If he prays 5 times a day, I'm the luckiest girl on earth.

He has to make me laugh all the time; he has to be intelligent. Guys with little knowledge turn me off, no matter how goodlooking. He has to have good taste in music and movies. He has to get along with my family and friends, seriously. He has to know where Honduras is in the map and who Jack Kerouac is. He has to accept, and support, my reading and cooking hobbies and my dream to study abroad. Better yet, he has to share my reading hobbies, too. He has to like going out, too; even if it's only for movies or ice-cream treats.

He has to be able to calm me down since I tend to explode. And, this being the most important aspect, he has to learn the difference of when I just want to let out my sob story and when I want advises from him. He has to know when to open and close his mouth. When to listen and when to speak. He has to be polite but also crazy at other times. He has to be decisive.

On Saturday nights, if I ask him where we should go, him saying "Up to you" or "No idea" will be a big minus point for me. If he opens the door for me, I will not be impressed. If he tries to order for me at a restaurant or always pays the bill, I'll roll my eyes .I want to be able to laugh and talk seriously with him at the same time.

He has to know how to calm me down. He has to know what to do if my car broke down in the middle of the road on a hot day with nobody around. He has to accept my dramatic flair in life. He has to master at least 1 foreign language-that's attractive. He has to know about my moods; when and how to approach if I give him a silent treatment. He has to be my bestfriend too at the same time.

I guess that's it.
That's pretty easy, right?







Oh, one small problem? I don't think this type of guy exists. Not in my world anyway. If he is somewhere out there, I'd very much like to shake his hand.