the perishers- pills

It started as a small pile that nobody couldn't care less about, but it piled up and up and up to a huge, overwhelming mountain. That's what you get when you ignore small things.

You thought it won't matter, but it did. It does. And now you're stuck and have no idea how to melt that mountain, how to move or at least push it a bit. It's too late. You've been swallowing sands for the past years and now suddenly you want to throw it all up.

See how dangerous it is when you try to hold back?

But being you, you're willing to give a second chance. Or third. Or fourth. Or two millionth. Please, don't screw up this time. Any little mistake will make you turn your back and walk away from the mountain without even trying.

You believe that everyone's good inside. That they want the best for you, that's all. But sometimes they're doing it all wrong. They twist and turn and eventually forget what they were about to do in the first place instead.

I don't know what i've been feeling these past few days. Not sadness but not happiness either; somewhere in-between. I never felt this before. Like something's tugging at your chest but you don't know what. Something bad is hanging in the air but you dont know what. I dont like second-guessing. Something smells fake.

I should've said something, from day One. From the second I smell the smoke, before I detect the fire. From the second I felt something was not right, back those few years ago, I should have said something.

Yet I nodded and smiled and pretended (wished?) that I was okay. That everything is under control. That everything is gonna be all right til the end.

Nobody warned me that you must sacrifice yourself and your feelings to THIS point when you're in a relationship.

It turns out that even my (few) best friends can tell what's going on from the beginning.

I guess I didn't listen to them because I didn't want to be proven wrong. But the vision is getting clearer and now, again, I'm stuck. Too late.

Are there such things as "too late"?

"I care about this, about us, about you. More than anyone else."

I really do.

But apparently it IS stupid to wish that people can read your mind and do exactly what you want without you telling them. A person like that is impossible to find.

So. Two millionth chance, anyone..?

"detail and measurable things"

Learning to let go. Of things, of people, of used items , of feelings.

If I could say one thing, is that I'm sick listening to other people. You don't get to live my life on a daily basis; I do.