"I can always take care of myself, but i want to meet that one person who can prove it to me that I can't.",-
The quote above represents half of this pent-up feelings inside that I have been completely, utterly speechless about in the past few days. This, is exactly what I mean when I wrote "I'd like to have my hand held when I cross the street sometimes" in the earlier post.
No, it doesn't mean I'm whiny and clingy. And if yes, so what? You're the person I want to unload all my complaints to. You're the person I choose to listen to all my sad stories to, person I want to be hugged by, the person I want to take care of in return, you're the only person I choose to be clingy with. Ever think about it like that?
I didn't think so.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
don't let your head get any bigger; please.
You know how people always say there's a silver lining in every cloud ? Well the good thing from this whole breakup thing is that I get to do a number of things I almost wanted to do and never did before. It's nice to go out to places I never visited before and meet old friends and new people. All for the sake of a good time.
And seriously, I can't say this enough; you get to know who your real friends are. Even those who have been out of touch for years suddenly heard about the news and gave you a call, a text, a ping, asking what's wrong, how could it have happened, and then take you out for dinner. None of them wants me to stay alone in the house, nobody wants me to be miserable.
My newest hobby right now is just to gaze into nothingness and let my mind gradually slip away. I don't want to think about anything.
This dear good friend of mine -you know who you are- told me that 'sadness is a form of art' and that overcoming it will be an achievement. It's words and advises like that that keep me smiling. Even though I just got out of an almost-five-years relationship, I'm not alone; and with friends like that, I will never be. It gets the hardest at nights and on weekends, honestly, but I'll get through this. It is never easy at the beginning.
On a slightly separate note, I've been disappointed with some other thing. Let's just say, I think my point was right back then; that all banks are the same. Even the ones you thought were good, honest and trustworthy turns out to be dishonest and plainly disappointing. People just can't hold on to their words these days, sadly.
Oh, I also discovered something weird yesterday morning when I woke up; my journal! It was under my bed and I flipped through it and it was hilarious to see how dramatic I was in high school. But some of the entries made me smile because they brought back certain memories. I sat there and read those pages thinking, you have no idea what's gonna happen; if you did, you wouldn't write these stuff.
It's funny, really, how we saw that person back then and how we see them now. Funny how they change but remain the same, too. And how my perceptions towards them also shift, in a good way. Funny how we thought the people who were gonna leave at the beginning, turns out to be the ones who stay until today.
And vice versa.
I guess some people aren't meant to leave. And some aren't meant to stay. When the second one happens, the best thing to do is to sincerely let them go. And I do. Seriously. It was amazing while it lasted, but if that person suddenly changes and turns their back on you, let go. That's just one less person to deal with in this million-population world. Thanks for the memories.
And when they turn out to stay, always, by your side, even if you can't see them all the time, then be grateful. I have this one friend who I thought I've lost forever, a couple of times, in the past few years .It used to make me sad and upset at the thought of losing him and that it was 'the end', caused by many factors. But no. That friend always returns, in the most unexpected timing and ways. Return to remind you again about warmth and comfort and saying all the right words to make you laugh.
That's exactly the kind of people you have to keep in your life, no matter what.
Being 'alone' really makes you appreciate the little things, too. And it makes you somewhat more mature. Someone also told me, 'never be in denial. Be sad when you're sad and be happy when you're happy.' I'm currently in-between those two feelings. I keep being surprised and taken aback by the people who approached me these past few days, the ones who offer their shoulders for me to cry on. I never thought it would come from them; but then again, I like the feeling of being surprised.
Wow, writing really feels good. So I think from now on I'm gonna focus on only one person that matters the most: me. I will do things that make me happy. As long as it doesn't cause anybody harm, it's fine, right? I bowed down for so many years that now it's time to finally stand up and get the recognition I deserve. Culinary lessons? Italian language course? Traditional dance practices? Sign me up. The busier I get, the better. I might not have my hand held throughout the process anymore, but I'll live. I might have lost my spirit-booster, but, again, I'll live.
I've had enough dealing with the wrong people and issues in the past; from now on, I'll just deal with those who really matter. Hey-funny thing; it was raining hard when I started writing this post, and now that I'm almost done, it's sunny again out there. Haha. A sign?
Wait; speaking of signs, I'm starting to not believe in them anymore. I used to smile to myself thinking about "signs" but maybe it's all just a load of unnecessary coincidences. Who knows? From now on, I will not read too much into something, in order not to wake up this monster called Insecurity sleeping inside. Why think about something that doesn't involve you anymore?
This must be one of the longest blog post I've ever written; but who cares? I feel relieved. Writing feels good. Words are flying left and right with no barriers; I like it.
Have a good Sunday everyone, I hope Monday and the rest of next week will bring happiness and smiles to our faces.
And seriously, I can't say this enough; you get to know who your real friends are. Even those who have been out of touch for years suddenly heard about the news and gave you a call, a text, a ping, asking what's wrong, how could it have happened, and then take you out for dinner. None of them wants me to stay alone in the house, nobody wants me to be miserable.
My newest hobby right now is just to gaze into nothingness and let my mind gradually slip away. I don't want to think about anything.
This dear good friend of mine -you know who you are- told me that 'sadness is a form of art' and that overcoming it will be an achievement. It's words and advises like that that keep me smiling. Even though I just got out of an almost-five-years relationship, I'm not alone; and with friends like that, I will never be. It gets the hardest at nights and on weekends, honestly, but I'll get through this. It is never easy at the beginning.
On a slightly separate note, I've been disappointed with some other thing. Let's just say, I think my point was right back then; that all banks are the same. Even the ones you thought were good, honest and trustworthy turns out to be dishonest and plainly disappointing. People just can't hold on to their words these days, sadly.
Oh, I also discovered something weird yesterday morning when I woke up; my journal! It was under my bed and I flipped through it and it was hilarious to see how dramatic I was in high school. But some of the entries made me smile because they brought back certain memories. I sat there and read those pages thinking, you have no idea what's gonna happen; if you did, you wouldn't write these stuff.
It's funny, really, how we saw that person back then and how we see them now. Funny how they change but remain the same, too. And how my perceptions towards them also shift, in a good way. Funny how we thought the people who were gonna leave at the beginning, turns out to be the ones who stay until today.
And vice versa.
I guess some people aren't meant to leave. And some aren't meant to stay. When the second one happens, the best thing to do is to sincerely let them go. And I do. Seriously. It was amazing while it lasted, but if that person suddenly changes and turns their back on you, let go. That's just one less person to deal with in this million-population world. Thanks for the memories.
And when they turn out to stay, always, by your side, even if you can't see them all the time, then be grateful. I have this one friend who I thought I've lost forever, a couple of times, in the past few years .It used to make me sad and upset at the thought of losing him and that it was 'the end', caused by many factors. But no. That friend always returns, in the most unexpected timing and ways. Return to remind you again about warmth and comfort and saying all the right words to make you laugh.
That's exactly the kind of people you have to keep in your life, no matter what.
Being 'alone' really makes you appreciate the little things, too. And it makes you somewhat more mature. Someone also told me, 'never be in denial. Be sad when you're sad and be happy when you're happy.' I'm currently in-between those two feelings. I keep being surprised and taken aback by the people who approached me these past few days, the ones who offer their shoulders for me to cry on. I never thought it would come from them; but then again, I like the feeling of being surprised.
Wow, writing really feels good. So I think from now on I'm gonna focus on only one person that matters the most: me. I will do things that make me happy. As long as it doesn't cause anybody harm, it's fine, right? I bowed down for so many years that now it's time to finally stand up and get the recognition I deserve. Culinary lessons? Italian language course? Traditional dance practices? Sign me up. The busier I get, the better. I might not have my hand held throughout the process anymore, but I'll live. I might have lost my spirit-booster, but, again, I'll live.
I've had enough dealing with the wrong people and issues in the past; from now on, I'll just deal with those who really matter. Hey-funny thing; it was raining hard when I started writing this post, and now that I'm almost done, it's sunny again out there. Haha. A sign?
Wait; speaking of signs, I'm starting to not believe in them anymore. I used to smile to myself thinking about "signs" but maybe it's all just a load of unnecessary coincidences. Who knows? From now on, I will not read too much into something, in order not to wake up this monster called Insecurity sleeping inside. Why think about something that doesn't involve you anymore?
This must be one of the longest blog post I've ever written; but who cares? I feel relieved. Writing feels good. Words are flying left and right with no barriers; I like it.
Have a good Sunday everyone, I hope Monday and the rest of next week will bring happiness and smiles to our faces.
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