Do you know what is the common, most simple mistake that causes fights, heated arguments, and spiteful debates?
It's the incapability to see the other person's signal.
I have been placed, sometimes unintentionally, as the middleman between two people who don't like each other in one room. When one of them speaks, I can just tell that he's giving warning vibes by the words he's chosen to speak out. (OK, Lesson One: you might think that angry people don't realize what's gonna come out of their mouth, right? Wrong. Their words are already structured and poised so properly that they knew it was gonna come off as rude as possible to their opponent, like a stretch bow aiming right to their heads.)
When you hear that certain tone, that sarcastic grit of teeth that's like fingernails in chalkboard to your ears, that reply coming out of their lips that sounds like they're ready to challenge you to the next Gladiator match, even if they didn't exactly say "Fuck off I hate you", even though they looked relaxed when delivering the next line while the words are dripping with acid and tension rises a millimeter higher in the room,
THEN BACK DOWN.
Seriously.
To me personally, as I've been in this situation more times than you think, when one of them spits out something that i just KNOW will offend the other person, and when the other person starts replying with more hurtful comebacks with an even more frightfully calmer tone, I knew it was going to be a disaster. It's just like watching horror movies (read: slasher teen crap) when the stupid blonde bimbo decides to go upstairs to check if her friend's alive, when the audience all know that a serial killer with a butcher is grinning in anticipation in the upstairs bedroom.
OK, rewind just a little bit.
Even way before the hurtful comebacks and sarcasm starts, even before the offensive slurs will pour out, please, I'm begging you to please read your opponent's moods and body language. You see, I thought this was a normal rule of thumb that everyone is familiar of.
Trust me, it's not.
Although it's flattering that people kind of trust a certain someone to be the middleman, sometimes it's more like a curse than a blessing. Add to the fact that both parties will eventually come to you to ask for advice.
Seriously, people. It's a much nicer feeling when you're actually not fighting with anyone. Try it for once. Backing down for once in a while will NOT hurt anybody--not even your ego. Or at least, have the courtesy to LISTEN to your opponent's story first and see it from their point of view. Maybe you missed something there.
Well anyway, this is pretty depressing for a Saturday-morning posting. I'll stop, though I can't say this won't have its Part II and III an so on, and will leave this posting happy and cheerful and optimistic by wishing you all a great, well-deserved weekend.
Oh. I wrote "Lesson One" up there, so I'd better follow up with Lesson Two:
This post and my theory, of course, is all complete and utter bullshit when I'm the one facing an opponent.
