It's really annoying when you want to do something and scream out something...but you don't have the rights to.
You can't tell your friend to pick another sweater color for her dog because it's not your dog. You can't tell your neighbor to grow a rose instead of lilies because it's not your garden. You simply don't have the rights. They will look down at you and think you're crazy instead. You can't force them to keep growing roses for the rest of their lives, or at least until you move out of the neighborhood. What are you going to say to them? "Please keep growing roses while I'm still here, but you can do whatever you want when I'm gone" ?
But then how long will they have to wait?
And who says they have to wait, anyway?
How many times can a person be selfish in one lifetime ?
So let them go; if they want to grow lilies instead, let them. You're nobody; you're just a neighbor. You don't get a say in this. You don't have the right to voice your opinion, no matter how much it is disturbing you.
Especially since you still have no idea when you're gonna move out of that neighborhood.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
warningsign
I know I'm a communications major, but when it comes to personal, I screw up. Words are just flying out of my mouth with no warning and it takes me, what, five full minutes just to deliver what I really mean. Which is why I tend to use examples instead. Weird ones.
OK so here's the case.
I don't like the word 'traumatic'. It screams regret, pain, sadness, and all the bad stuff. I don't like bad stuff. So I don't know how to sum up this issue without having to develop it in another case example.
Imagine a good day.
Great, sunny, incredible day with blue skies and little kids playing and smiles on everyone's faces. You wake up, with a gut instinct that it's gonna be a good day indeed, that everything will finally go according to plan. That your deepest wishes are about to come true.
You put on your best white shirt and leave the house, singing all the way, smiling to everyone passing you by. You stop at a street cart and bought a yummy strawberry ice cream in a cone. You are heading to the bank to withdraw money, all of it, because you wanna buy a house. You've been planning to buy it since you saw it five years ago. It costs US3000 (ssht, this is just an example) and now you finally have US3100 in the bank, and you don't care that you're almost spending all of it because you've been waiting for this for as long as you can remember.
You step into the bank, greeted warmly by the old man, the guard officer. He kindly directed you where to take a number and wait in the lounge. You sit down, still smiling, still happy, with your leg bouncing. You finally get your turn and receive your US3100 with a huge grin on your face. You even shake the teller's hand and wish her a good day. You turn around, money envelope in hand, thinking what color of wallpaper will match the kitchen in your new house.
And then, you get robbed.
And then, three masked gunmen burst into the bank and held a gun to your face.
In less than five minutes, all your dreams in the past five years vanish.
It happened in such a quick motion, so unexpected, so unpredictable, so shocking that it gives you the most unimaginable pain. Not physical; worse. You are physically completely fine, the gunmen didn't hurt you, but it took away a small part that means the world to you. That goes far beyond 'just cash'. That cash was, in some way, was your future.
So you spend the rest of your life trying not to relish that experience, right? You become so careful in every small thing you do, so closed off, so hesitant because you're traumatic. Because you're so damn scared that it's gonna happen to you again. You only need that kind of experience on in your lfietime, thanks.
What's worse is, you start to lose trust in all banks--not only that particular one where you got robbed.
You become negative, pessimistic on ALL banks, certain that you're just gonna get robbed there anyway, so what's the point of trusting? What's the point of storing your savings if you're just gonna lose it in the end anyway?
What's worse is, not only you lose trust in all banks and you don't wanna save anymore, you also become so fearful and cautious. You can't even bear to put on that white shirt you wore on 'the day'. You don't want any reminders of that particular day.
Long story short, if you bump into any sign, any indication, any reminder of that day, you freak out.
No matter how happy your mood is, when you suddenly see smilar signs of what happened in that day, if you suddenly pass that nice old guard officer, your stomach takes a deep plunge and you become quiet again. 'The day' suddenly haunts you again, shutting you up and out from the outside world. Any reminder of that day scares the hell out of you. You're suddenly scared of sunshine because there was sun on that day. Scared of buying strawberry ice cream because you bought strawberry ice cream on that day.
You know what happens next? You spend the rest of your life trying your best to stay the hell away from the memory of the incident and trying your best to prevent it from happening again; no matter what it takes.
Goodbye, trust. Welcome, insecurity.
OK so here's the case.
I don't like the word 'traumatic'. It screams regret, pain, sadness, and all the bad stuff. I don't like bad stuff. So I don't know how to sum up this issue without having to develop it in another case example.
Imagine a good day.
Great, sunny, incredible day with blue skies and little kids playing and smiles on everyone's faces. You wake up, with a gut instinct that it's gonna be a good day indeed, that everything will finally go according to plan. That your deepest wishes are about to come true.
You put on your best white shirt and leave the house, singing all the way, smiling to everyone passing you by. You stop at a street cart and bought a yummy strawberry ice cream in a cone. You are heading to the bank to withdraw money, all of it, because you wanna buy a house. You've been planning to buy it since you saw it five years ago. It costs US3000 (ssht, this is just an example) and now you finally have US3100 in the bank, and you don't care that you're almost spending all of it because you've been waiting for this for as long as you can remember.
You step into the bank, greeted warmly by the old man, the guard officer. He kindly directed you where to take a number and wait in the lounge. You sit down, still smiling, still happy, with your leg bouncing. You finally get your turn and receive your US3100 with a huge grin on your face. You even shake the teller's hand and wish her a good day. You turn around, money envelope in hand, thinking what color of wallpaper will match the kitchen in your new house.
And then, you get robbed.
And then, three masked gunmen burst into the bank and held a gun to your face.
In less than five minutes, all your dreams in the past five years vanish.
It happened in such a quick motion, so unexpected, so unpredictable, so shocking that it gives you the most unimaginable pain. Not physical; worse. You are physically completely fine, the gunmen didn't hurt you, but it took away a small part that means the world to you. That goes far beyond 'just cash'. That cash was, in some way, was your future.
So you spend the rest of your life trying not to relish that experience, right? You become so careful in every small thing you do, so closed off, so hesitant because you're traumatic. Because you're so damn scared that it's gonna happen to you again. You only need that kind of experience on in your lfietime, thanks.
What's worse is, you start to lose trust in all banks--not only that particular one where you got robbed.
You become negative, pessimistic on ALL banks, certain that you're just gonna get robbed there anyway, so what's the point of trusting? What's the point of storing your savings if you're just gonna lose it in the end anyway?
What's worse is, not only you lose trust in all banks and you don't wanna save anymore, you also become so fearful and cautious. You can't even bear to put on that white shirt you wore on 'the day'. You don't want any reminders of that particular day.
Long story short, if you bump into any sign, any indication, any reminder of that day, you freak out.
No matter how happy your mood is, when you suddenly see smilar signs of what happened in that day, if you suddenly pass that nice old guard officer, your stomach takes a deep plunge and you become quiet again. 'The day' suddenly haunts you again, shutting you up and out from the outside world. Any reminder of that day scares the hell out of you. You're suddenly scared of sunshine because there was sun on that day. Scared of buying strawberry ice cream because you bought strawberry ice cream on that day.
You know what happens next? You spend the rest of your life trying your best to stay the hell away from the memory of the incident and trying your best to prevent it from happening again; no matter what it takes.
You know what happens next? Even the smallest incident that reminds you of it, hurts. You build up your walls to avoid disappointment.
Goodbye, trust. Welcome, insecurity.
Do you wanna know the scariest part of it all ? It's when the walls are slowly down again. When you start trusting again. When you take a deep breath and start putting on that white shirt again.
Because when you're prepared to start trusting someone, there's always a chance it's gonna be shattered to pieces anytime without warning.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
"YOU need to be bold, need to jump in the cold."
I know I want to write a lot of things but I can't.
I'm trying this new method called 'bottling up'. In a way, I have to start holding myself back for the greater sake of everyone else.
Everyone else but me, that is.
Anyway, if you've been reading my blog, you notice that I once put my dream wedding details, right? How I've put Van Morrisson's Someone Like You as the dream song? Well I have another song option now which I think will make the perfect song for the big day.
They Bring Me To You - Joshua Radin
You looked like the sun
I was the only one who could stare until you were done shining on me
and as we drank our wine and let the world fade away
the sunrise tried to end it while we tried to stay.
The rest of my life can't compare to this night
and only the heartaches have given me sight,
they bring me to you, they bring me to you.
Moon pours through the ceiling tonight embraces us tight
shows me we're right for each other and as we lie here
and let the world fade away
the sunrise tries to end it while we try to stay.
The rest of my life can't compare to this night
and only the heartaches have given me sight,
they bring me to you, they bring me to you, they bring me to you, they bring me to you.
It's all about the first night and last, some people say
well I love you so much more tonight, more than yesterday.
The rest of my life can't compare to this night
and only the heartaches have given me sight,
they bring me to you, they bring me to you, they bring me to you, they bring me to you.
Seriously, are you kidding me? To have a guy sing their hearts out for you with those lyrics? I really like reading each and every one of the words; I think it's beautiful.
So, there you go. What's your perfect song for your big day ?
I'm trying this new method called 'bottling up'. In a way, I have to start holding myself back for the greater sake of everyone else.
Everyone else but me, that is.
Anyway, if you've been reading my blog, you notice that I once put my dream wedding details, right? How I've put Van Morrisson's Someone Like You as the dream song? Well I have another song option now which I think will make the perfect song for the big day.
They Bring Me To You - Joshua Radin
You looked like the sun
I was the only one who could stare until you were done shining on me
and as we drank our wine and let the world fade away
the sunrise tried to end it while we tried to stay.
The rest of my life can't compare to this night
and only the heartaches have given me sight,
they bring me to you, they bring me to you.
Moon pours through the ceiling tonight embraces us tight
shows me we're right for each other and as we lie here
and let the world fade away
the sunrise tries to end it while we try to stay.
The rest of my life can't compare to this night
and only the heartaches have given me sight,
they bring me to you, they bring me to you, they bring me to you, they bring me to you.
It's all about the first night and last, some people say
well I love you so much more tonight, more than yesterday.
The rest of my life can't compare to this night
and only the heartaches have given me sight,
they bring me to you, they bring me to you, they bring me to you, they bring me to you.
Seriously, are you kidding me? To have a guy sing their hearts out for you with those lyrics? I really like reading each and every one of the words; I think it's beautiful.
So, there you go. What's your perfect song for your big day ?
Sunday, April 4, 2010
a different topic
hai :)
It's Sunday and I don't know what to do and it's only 12 p.m. Yes I get bored easily. I've eaten, watched TV, played with dog, played the internet, and then I realized hey, why not update my blog with another useless/random post?
If you're one of those people who loathes astrology, you'd better stop reading this. Because sometimes I'm drawn to them and I can't stop reading them once I start; it's like watching a car accident. But I don't read the daily stuff, like whether I'm gonna have luck or slip on a wet floor and fall flat on my face or get hit by a bus or something; I also don't care about compatibility match. I just read my start sign profile and what a person in my sign is really like.
I really am not good with words.
So from zodiacfacts's blog, I compiled some stuff:
#Leo : What leo needs is a partner who can tolerate the shows of ego and see through them for what they are : an attempt to let the world know that leo's love is available- all a person needs to do to get it is just say thank you.
(Let's seeee. I do feel bothered when someone fails to say thank you. Is it petty? Selfish? Annoying? Yes, well, that's what makes us human. I bet you regret being friends with me, huh.)
They are the life of any relationship, and a courtship with them will rarely prove dull. They need to be lavished with attention, but can also do that in return. They need lovers who can keep up with them and match there wits. If boredom creeps into the relationship, they look for greener pastures. Also they need a partner who can understand their needs and give them the attention they need.
(SEE !!! I DO get bored easily! So this is one of my traits. Nice. And then I got another one from here)
Leo woman will dominate, but not completely for she still needs the man to lead the way and give her the desired sense of approval, she looks up to her man. Leo woman is perfect for the man who is affectionate and has a strong character but not too controlling. She needs someone who is passionate about everything in their life and who strives for the best in everything, because so does she. Do not look at other women when you are with her, she has to be the only one in your eyes. The thought of competition with other women completely turns her off. The secret of the Leo is that they need to be needed.
(Ridiculous as it is, there's no better paragraph to sum up the characters like the one above. And I particularly like the very last sentence; I don't know why.)
Be funny, Leos love to be entertained and they love to laugh. If you can make them laugh, you're good! Leos like the grand things in life, treat them to a lavish dinner or a cultural upscale event.
(These are two contradicting sentences for me. While the first is absolutely undoubtedly true, the last sentence isn't really the same. I do like the grand things in life, but I also like ALL types of dinner since my most favorite exercise is chewing. But then again I do love cultural events !)
And this one says:
Leos are usually very generous and helpful. They love to spoil friends, family and romantic partners, buying extravagant gifts or blowing their money on a good time. Most are excellent cooks, and they enjoy feeding others.They are quite experimental with cooking and will try unusual food and new recipes. Many look a bit like lions, with smooth cheekbones, large faces, thick wavy hair and catlike eyes. Leo popularity is enhanced by a tendency to share time, energy, money and affection with others. All they require in return is to receive a larger share of affection than the average person. Leos are usually quite soft-hearted and have a particular fondness for children and animals.
(AGREED ! Well I hope I *will be* an excellent cook; that's still yet to be proven. But the other stuff--fondness for kids and animals, loves affections, etc--they're absolutely true. And oh I hope I don't physically look like a lion though :s)
Typical Leos are very helpful and generous to their friends, lovers, and family members, and also very protective. They won't tolerate others badmouthing those they care about, and they're willing to fight about it. However, Leos also have a tendency to be domineering due to a natural inclination for leadership. This can lead to friction when dating strong, independent-minded individuals, though these are exactly the sort of people that Leos tend to be drawn to.
Typical Leos are loyal and romantic. When they fall in love, they fall heavily. A betrayed Leo will not easily get over the hurt. The wounds run deep. When they do forgive, they usually forgive completely, however. Like all the fire signs, they are quick to anger and quick to get over it. Hurt a Leo woman's pride and she roars like a lioness. Still, they don’t like being lied to or deceived and it will take them a long time, if ever, to forgive
(Hm.)
Leo-moon people like to be the center of attention. They require a higher-than-average level of appreciation from those around them in order to feel secure, but most earn this by being generous and helpful.
And, the Leo will take care of matters in the home. To go out and make a living is not so distant for a Leo to think about. In fact, careers and professions are usually very important to a Leo. And, they like being in charge. They like being the supervisors, the leaders within their own business. They don't really care to follow in the back seat of anyone else. Leos pioneer new directions.
(Okay, they're making it sound like I should join the military or something. Yes, I love to lead. But most times, I'd love to be led as well. To have my hand held when I cross the street. To sit back for once and let the other person take a good care of my needs.
ANYWAY.
Let's get back to topic.)
So basically all these star sign stuff are saying all the same things. Interesting.
The weather is so extremely hot, I want ice cream !!!! I don't know why Ben and Jerry's doesn't have a store here in my town. Don't they know people are willing to line up the block just to get a taste of their Chunky Monkey?
And by 'people', I mean me.
I'll post later.
It's Sunday and I don't know what to do and it's only 12 p.m. Yes I get bored easily. I've eaten, watched TV, played with dog, played the internet, and then I realized hey, why not update my blog with another useless/random post?
If you're one of those people who loathes astrology, you'd better stop reading this. Because sometimes I'm drawn to them and I can't stop reading them once I start; it's like watching a car accident. But I don't read the daily stuff, like whether I'm gonna have luck or slip on a wet floor and fall flat on my face or get hit by a bus or something; I also don't care about compatibility match. I just read my start sign profile and what a person in my sign is really like.
I really am not good with words.
So from zodiacfacts's blog, I compiled some stuff:
#Leo : What leo needs is a partner who can tolerate the shows of ego and see through them for what they are : an attempt to let the world know that leo's love is available- all a person needs to do to get it is just say thank you.
(Let's seeee. I do feel bothered when someone fails to say thank you. Is it petty? Selfish? Annoying? Yes, well, that's what makes us human. I bet you regret being friends with me, huh.)
They are the life of any relationship, and a courtship with them will rarely prove dull. They need to be lavished with attention, but can also do that in return. They need lovers who can keep up with them and match there wits. If boredom creeps into the relationship, they look for greener pastures. Also they need a partner who can understand their needs and give them the attention they need.
(SEE !!! I DO get bored easily! So this is one of my traits. Nice. And then I got another one from here)
Leo woman will dominate, but not completely for she still needs the man to lead the way and give her the desired sense of approval, she looks up to her man. Leo woman is perfect for the man who is affectionate and has a strong character but not too controlling. She needs someone who is passionate about everything in their life and who strives for the best in everything, because so does she. Do not look at other women when you are with her, she has to be the only one in your eyes. The thought of competition with other women completely turns her off. The secret of the Leo is that they need to be needed.
(Ridiculous as it is, there's no better paragraph to sum up the characters like the one above. And I particularly like the very last sentence; I don't know why.)
Be funny, Leos love to be entertained and they love to laugh. If you can make them laugh, you're good! Leos like the grand things in life, treat them to a lavish dinner or a cultural upscale event.
(These are two contradicting sentences for me. While the first is absolutely undoubtedly true, the last sentence isn't really the same. I do like the grand things in life, but I also like ALL types of dinner since my most favorite exercise is chewing. But then again I do love cultural events !)
And this one says:
Leos are usually very generous and helpful. They love to spoil friends, family and romantic partners, buying extravagant gifts or blowing their money on a good time. Most are excellent cooks, and they enjoy feeding others.They are quite experimental with cooking and will try unusual food and new recipes. Many look a bit like lions, with smooth cheekbones, large faces, thick wavy hair and catlike eyes. Leo popularity is enhanced by a tendency to share time, energy, money and affection with others. All they require in return is to receive a larger share of affection than the average person. Leos are usually quite soft-hearted and have a particular fondness for children and animals.
(AGREED ! Well I hope I *will be* an excellent cook; that's still yet to be proven. But the other stuff--fondness for kids and animals, loves affections, etc--they're absolutely true. And oh I hope I don't physically look like a lion though :s)
Typical Leos are very helpful and generous to their friends, lovers, and family members, and also very protective. They won't tolerate others badmouthing those they care about, and they're willing to fight about it. However, Leos also have a tendency to be domineering due to a natural inclination for leadership. This can lead to friction when dating strong, independent-minded individuals, though these are exactly the sort of people that Leos tend to be drawn to.
Typical Leos are loyal and romantic. When they fall in love, they fall heavily. A betrayed Leo will not easily get over the hurt. The wounds run deep. When they do forgive, they usually forgive completely, however. Like all the fire signs, they are quick to anger and quick to get over it. Hurt a Leo woman's pride and she roars like a lioness. Still, they don’t like being lied to or deceived and it will take them a long time, if ever, to forgive
(Hm.)
Leo-moon people like to be the center of attention. They require a higher-than-average level of appreciation from those around them in order to feel secure, but most earn this by being generous and helpful.
And, the Leo will take care of matters in the home. To go out and make a living is not so distant for a Leo to think about. In fact, careers and professions are usually very important to a Leo. And, they like being in charge. They like being the supervisors, the leaders within their own business. They don't really care to follow in the back seat of anyone else. Leos pioneer new directions.
(Okay, they're making it sound like I should join the military or something. Yes, I love to lead. But most times, I'd love to be led as well. To have my hand held when I cross the street. To sit back for once and let the other person take a good care of my needs.
ANYWAY.
Let's get back to topic.)
So basically all these star sign stuff are saying all the same things. Interesting.
The weather is so extremely hot, I want ice cream !!!! I don't know why Ben and Jerry's doesn't have a store here in my town. Don't they know people are willing to line up the block just to get a taste of their Chunky Monkey?
And by 'people', I mean me.
I'll post later.
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