"I sat beside you and became myself."

Dear You, she wrote.

Hi. How are you?

It used to be a really simple question, but I really am wondering how you've been.

She paused for a minute, and picked up her pen again. You know; I have tons, and I mean TONS of things to say to you. But I've shut the door, remember? Shutting it closed and locking it and throwing away the key, because opening it will be like opening a dam and everything will rush out. And I don't want that.

We both don't.

You must be wondering who I'm talking about here. You must be thinking, "Is she writing about me? Is this me?" You'll figure it out soon enough.

One sunny noon,I suddenly stumbled upon a rabbit in the middle of the day. So, very, incredibly, unexpected. I noticed you the first time I met you. I wanted to know you better the first time I met you. But wishes come and go, so I never thought about it anymore. People meet strangers all the time and that's it, right?

Wrong.


I never kept that rabbit as a pet. I never owned it. But I got to know it. I patted him in the back and said, "Are you lost? Let's sit in that bench and talk." So we talked. With each passing minute, with each story we shared, I knew you were going to be different. The story we unveiled was a lot deeper than we usually shared to anyone. I was surprised; but I kept my mask on. I didn't want to reveal the emotions I felt beneath it.

You make me smile.

I know, I know; everyone does. Everyone and everything makes me smile. I'm easily entertained. I laugh at the silliest things. But you-you do, and you say, the things that made it hard for me to contain laughter in public place. Our common interests were insane; you were full of wit, you never think twice of debating me, never think twice to challenge me. I never knew conversations could be that easy.

I really thought we were going to stay friends. But then one morning you uttered a line of sentence that took the words out of my mouth, leaving me shocked and restless and happy and confused. But still, I put my mask on. Nothing was revealed. You, dear Rabbit, asked me then, "Should I stay? With all these heavy baggage? Because if you want me to leave, I'll do it."

I whispered, Stay.

All those times I interacted with you, I kept my mask on. Pushed you away. Didn't make you as a priority. Feigned ignorance. Said all the things I didn't mean. Until one day, you left. You bowed down with your magic hat and you left. I watched. And didn't say anything. I had the weirdest sensation in my stomach; which was when I realized, you're not just any rabbit. I managed to get you off my mind in the next couple of weeks, because I had other things in mind.

Eventually, long story short, I decided to take my mask down. I took a deep breath, raised my arm, and pulled it off. I breathed in some fresh air, ready to smile. Ready to laugh. Too late; the minute I take off my mask, you turned your back on me. I watched. Me being me, I didn't say anything. You got up on your two feet and you left.

I thought we were supposed to wave goodbye first before we turn around.

I whispered, Stay.

Dear You, she wrote. This, is the one place I know that you wouldn't read (anymore). Which is good. Because I wouldn't have the guts to say these to you. I kept everything to myself, and I can't take it anymore. Well, here goes.

You were my definition of Comfort.

I tried to resist saying it out loud; you took me by surprise. You were sincere, you were patient; you were THERE. You did one thing that only one person was able to do it previously; you do things I wanted you to do even without me saying it out loud.

Seriously? She smiled. You seriously still can't figure out who I'm talking about here?

Yes, it's you. Stop glancing left and right and start opening your eyes; don't keep staring at your shoes. She stopped writing, wondering if she should write the next sentence.

You remember when I said back then, I hear something breaking in the distance but the sound is still too vague for me to figure out what it is?

I know it now.

I never thought that the lost rabbit I bumped into, a random face amongst 230 million population in the country, will lead to this. The smile we exchanged, back a gazilion years ago; I never thought it could lead to this. But there's no use looking back, so let's keep our eyes glued on the future and on someone else.

I know you do already.



What you're doing right now; I have to say, it lets me down. Is it really that easy for you to turn around and hop away as if nothing happened? I was just doing the right thing, back then.

Remember; remember every single word I said because I meant them. I might have looked careless and ignorant, but I wasn't. Remember; if I really had changed you, if you weren't lying your butts off when you said it, maintain it. Remember; the promise you made, even though I know the deal is off now, remember to keep your words the next time. Remember; the songs. You know exactly which ones. Remember; the laughter. The twinkle in her eyes. The way they lit up. Remember; the coffee shop.

When we cross paths again, one day, someday,be it when we're old and grey, I'll smile. Not at you, but to myself. Reminiscing the times, shaking my head in disbelief. For such a short timing, it sure was an out-of-this-world feeling. The kind of feeling the lead male character gives the female character in novels. A storybook romance with no fairytale ending. I'll pass you by, and I won't really care if you remember. The moment our shoulders brush will be the moment the smile creeps to my face. And by then, I'll whisper, "Thank you."

You might have heard it and turned around, or you might have not. You might have turned and stared, trying to figure out where you knew that girl; she seems familiar, somehow.

I can't answer that for you. The only person who will know it, is you. But I do know one thing for sure, and this, I will only say once. This, I only have the nerve to say once in my life.

She's the girl who will never forget how you once made her feel.


***






I will probably delete this post; soon.