a loss.

Before I get into anything else, I just want to express my deepest condolences to Mas Bangun's family for the passing of his father this morning due to stroke.

While I only met him a few times, I know he was a stand up guy, an intelligent and full-of-humor father and businessman who loved his big family so much. He already considered my sister as his daughter which is why she is currently a big mess right now.

But seeing his personality, I know that at least thousands of people are praying for him right now to appreciate everything and that he has touched a lot of lives during his good years, and that he must be in a much better place right now.

So I bid you farewell Om Adjie, too bad we did not get the chance to know each other further but it was an honor of mine to have known a man like you. You have left well-mannered and amazing sons and daughter and that is why we are all praying for you up there.

take me out of this town

"I was crazy when I said I could do this. And even more delusional when I said I'm fine."

you shouldn't read this.

Is it possible that one simple sentence could ruin your day ?

Can a person really laugh out loud one day and fall completely and utterly silent the next day ?

I hear the sound of something breaking but it's too distant and too vague that I can't recall what it is.

I don't want you to understand this. Please don't read this again, ever. Leave your marks on the doorstep and just let it be. I can't quite put my finger on this but this feeling is highly unsettling. I never expected this to happen; yet somehow i knew this would happen.

The more I read it, the more I understand.

We will never be able to talk about this, I know. Not with the blocks of defensive walls surrounding you. But I would really appreciate if you would just slip a note under the door before you turn around and let the door close behind you.

Selfish, greedy, careless about other people's feelings; those are not her usual characteristics. But people are bound to slip sometimes. And while some people tend to bottle up their feelings, I can't. If I were a bottle, the list of ingredients wouldn't fill the paper. I have too much going on in my head. One particular thought has been staying there for weeks and it just told me that it's not going anywhere.

This is serious, isn't it?

Again, I don't know how to contain what I feel. I'm usually very open and direct and I blurt out every single thing I feel. I shout joyfully when I'm happy and I frown when I'm sad. I can't hide feelings. I don't know how.

But maybe, just maybe, this time I have to clam up and quiet down and zip my lips. For once.

There's always a first time for everything.

So, thanks.










I don't know why you fill my head.

catching me off guard

Relieved, free, letting out final sighs of happiness and pleasure.

I am all smiles again.

The burden's been lifted, a burden I didn't even know I had until it was taken off of my shoulders, which makes it even more relieving. All of the question marks, the queasiness, the worrying, the tiredness have all vanished into thin air ALL at the SAME TIME, slowly turning that question mark into a "=" and a ")".

It is true after all, that you need an extra fresh ice-cold water to be thrown into your face to realize that you've been living in a destructive heat all this time. You are now able to see things in a clearer view, put on a bigger and more sincere smile, stand up tall and straight and finally head to the direction you've been meaning to walk toward to.

"Thank you, for all the negativity you caused, because now I can see nothing but great positivity laying ahead." -

If you don't know me, you probably don't know what I'm talking about.

If you do know me, stop your train of thoughts--no, this is not about "that". This is something new, something incredibly brand new that is so surprising that just smacks me right in the face and wakes me up out of the long,incredibly LONG sleep I've been caught in the middle of.

If you really, really, really know me, without a doubt, you know what I'm talking about.

I kind of hope you don't, though. I like writing in metaphors and intrigues and mysteries that nobody could guess.

By the way, in a much more random note, I wanna go back to Bangkok with my bestfriends. I'm currently seeing our tri photos on facebook now and I'm smiling and grinning to myself just by looking at those.

a moment to think about

Jim Carrey's Yes Man is playing on StarMovies and surprisingly it doesn't lift up my mood.

There were a few (small) events today that did not match my expectations and thus making me feel like I need distractions; I wanna get out for some quick ice cream. Some Cold Stone cheesecake ice cream with biscuit crumbs that will bring a well-deserved smile on my face. I don't know what's wrong exactly, though, I just felt something unsettling but I can't figure out what. This is driving me crazy.

Maybe it's because I had a two-day intensive office training that wore me out; but I had fun, surprisingly. It wasnt what i had in mind. So maybe the key here is to just smile and nod along with no expectation stamped on your forehead.

I had a good dinner with my friends on Friday night.

I think Jim Carrey is getting old, physically.

Now I'm just throwing out random stuff. Sometimes I wonder whether I am heading to the right direction. Everything-wise. But I guess that's part of the excitement, right? That intense feeling of not knowing whether you'll come on top or hit the wall ? I used to love that! Even though i hate uncertainty, i do love excitement.

Right. Before I bore you to tears, I'd better stop this now. I will post a much more meaningful stuff later on, I promise.

seven deadly sins

What are those, again ? The seven deadly sins? Lust, Envy, Greed...I should have googled it first but I'm too lazy. So there you have it.



I think Hypocrisy (Hypocricy?) should be included as well. I'm scared of that word recently.

I'm scared of a lot of things recently. I'm scared of being left in the dark, of being kept in the harsh light, of being lied to, of lying, of being disappointed,....and to disappoint. Scared of knowing things I shouldn't have known about, of feelings I should not be familiar with, scared to forgot, scared to be forgotten, scared to leave footprints, scared to be left with other's footprints. I'm scared of smiling.

I'm scared of being scared all the time- for once I don't want to be careful in every tiny thing I do, I want to let go, I want to scream the most offensive language known to mankind but I know I can't. Not because I'm not allowed to but because I don't have that kind of bone in me. I don't want to think about other people's feelings all the time but I know I can't.

Heck, I get upset just seeing a forgotten pair of rusty children shoe lying motionless in the middle of the street. I can't kill flies. I can't stand not apologizing every minute of the day. Well not literally.

So yeah I don't know if it has anything to do with hypocrisy, or...guilt instead.

I'll post later.

The second, and final, part of my treasured trip

Okay, I know I planned to create a day-by-day, illustrated postings on my Bangkok trip. But if you're really close with me, you know how my mind changes as often as....I don't know. Just very often.



I'm not good with words.



In a nutshell, the trip lasted six days and one-day transit in KL. Yes, we visited the temples, the Chaopraya river, all the cheap night bazaars, ate mango sticky rice, bought fake Havianas, stayed in Khao San Road where all the tourists and backpackers blended in, almost went broke due to CIMB Niaga's stupidity to NOT be connected with their Thailand branches, made friends with Morrocan and American backpackers, sang 'The Scientist' out loud with hundred other backpackers in Khao San, went to the zoo, played with a baby elephant, got lost in a secluded village, interacted with Thai people with words that didnt have any meaning, took pictures with cafe musicians, rushed my friend to the hospital due to a minor accident,...

You know, the usual stuff you do when you go abroad.

I don't know if you read this, you three crazy ladies, but you are by far my best travel partners and I cannot thank you enough for the week-full laughter we shared. I know that anyone can go to Bangkok. Anyone can also go to there with their best friends; it's not a huge deal. But to go with three bestfriends with so many different personalities that never fails to crack me up until my stomach literally hurts and with the list of 'normal' activities I stated earlier, I know that this trip was one of a kind. At least for me.

(We did it, you guys, we really did get on that plane after all !!!! I still get misty everytime I look at our pictures. LET'S DO IT AGAIN! =P)